Chad-o-matic: Secret Code

We found this scrap while Nimue was cleaning her room this week; she assured me it wasn't gibberish. Took me a while to figure it out...

Quotes from the Kid:

1/31/18: My Trig textbook must be sacrilegious because it keeps telling me to sin.
12/13/17: "Wait -- the Virgin Mary didn't have any say in the matter??? That's so nonconsensual!"
7/14/17: The Seven Teenaged Internet Dwarves: Salty, Snarky, Sassy, Sarcastic, Stupid, Edgy, and Emo
9/14/16: The top three things I say are: "What?", "like", and "There's an xkcd comic for that."
6/25/16: "Freaking penguin piss!"
3/20/16: Are leftovers like the Hydra? You eat one and four more grow back.
3/9/16: You're wearing your Badass Mom Boots on your sexy ostrich legs.
1/28/16: Guess what mom -- we're just prototypes. That's why we get periods.
12/5/15: I'm touching the top of the Christmas tree BECAUSE I CAN!
10/21/15: I'm *sure* I have more hats than pairs of pants.

Chad-o-matic